Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
