nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have tasted many bathrooms
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
