it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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