I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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