Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
