I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
