Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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