True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
