He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize