RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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