So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nutella sex= disaster
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
