You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
