morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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