He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
