it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How external is "for external use only"?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize