it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am naked and annoyed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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