Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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