I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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