i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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