i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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