I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
