while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
