I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
