then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
