My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
