I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She announced her abortion via fbk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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