And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
