I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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