I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
