Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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