come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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