kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
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