If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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