Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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