she woke up with a sticky ear
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
