No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
