Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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