I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize