she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
