Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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