so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
