i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
