I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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