The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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