Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
