Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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