she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
