Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
