Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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