walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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