booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
