Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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