Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
