Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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