The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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