she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize