Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
