too bad you live with your parents still
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
