So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
