One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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