If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
