"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
