He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
