i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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